Last night at around 10 a storm started and while any other time I would have thought it was pretty and bright I found that was panicking. I used to love storms and lighting, i mean i could have done without the thunder but the lights were very pretty to look at. What happened to me? Why was I sitting there having a borderline panic attack? I'll tell you what happened to me, I had a baby and with this baby came a butt load of fears.
Suddenly I am worried about everything, her not eating enough, not being prepared for a storm, dropping her, losing her somewhere, having her taken from me by a stranger and the freaking end of the world. I realize this morning that I need to calm the hell down or I'm going to lose my mind, Yes the world is full of dangers and as a parent we never know who is out to hurt our children however I have made a list of solutions that have put my mind to ease and here i share it with you:
1)her not eating enough: the doctor tells me to make sure she eats plenty and is nice and full. At first I worried but now after living with my child for 3 months I KNOW shes eating enough if she doesn't she will let me know very loudly.
2) not being prepared for a storm: OK simple enough get a "survival kit" ready. I'll put water, formula, canned foods,first aid kit, important documents, some small board games and a can opener together. And don't think I'm stupid about the board games i have a family of 7 between my dad and sisters, soon to be stepdaughter, fiance, my daughter and myself if there is no light and we have a bunch of candles around us and nothing else to do we are playing monopoly damn it! I will not listen to a 5 year old complain of boredom, and I will not its annoying hearing it every 5 minutes.
3) dropping her: Well sometimes parents drop their children, I can't even begin to describe all the stories i have heard parents say starting with the lines so this one time i dropped my kid... I guess the important thing to do is not be clumsy and if i do drop her comfort her as soon as possible. Also i shouldn't be doing some dumb ass thing like juggling my baby or dangling her off a balcony.
4) losing her somewhere: Pay attention to her, I mean she doesn't walk yet so I don't have to worry about her running or disappearing unless someone tries to take her. which brings me to ....
5) a stranger taking my child: Firstly I'm back onto the whole watch your child thing, However if I saw someone trying to take my child I would chase their ass down and beat the living hell out of them. NO ONE messes with my babies and NO ONE better try to take my kids. seriously I'm a gentle person but I think it came to protect my kids I could kill someone if really necessary.
and finally...
6) the end of the world: Now I never thought about the world ending. I always thought it would happen after I was dead however If it does happen I just need to accept I lived a good life, hug my family and tell them I loved them and wait for the end. There is really nothing anyone can do if the world really ends, and to be honest life is not about the way you died its about the way one lived and the choices they have made. now I will be the first to admit that i did not live a perfect life and did nothing wrong. I would be lying if I said that, but I didn't kill anyone or do anything else that is horrible, I wasn't Hitler. So i think i have a really good chance of getting into heaven and that gos won't turn me away. I also know that Jesus loves the little children so my girls will go into heaven and as long as they are there if and when the world ends its OK. we all came onto this earth to die, its a sad reality but we did it's a part of the life cycle, and who knows when the world will end? maybe it will be 2012 maybe it wont. according to allot of people the world has been ending for a long time, and maybe it has slowly each year, but does it matter. spend time with your families, take the time to show them you love them. Because in the end that's all that matters.
In the words of the wonderful Beatles:
"All you need is love"
Amy
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