Don't get in my way time...

So as lame as thing is going to sound, yesterday i had an online fight with a girl my fiancee used to work with. see I'll give you guys the cliff notes version of the history and then the cliff notes of yesterday:

past:

she started to work in a new section of the store that is literally right next to his work station. that same day starts telling him how she wants to leave her bf because hes mean to her. when i get there to take him lunch says its awkward that I'm there. a few days later she is telling him about her sexual preferences and says she lost around here since shes new to the area gets his number for directions. she starts texting him all the time saying she misses him and asking about his schedule. i got mad because she texted him while we were at lunch having a date. ( btw I'm pregnant through out all of this and she knows it). I tell her she needs to back off and that texting him and talking to him about what she is talking to him is not appropriate she comes back with a I'm sorry if you feel threatened that he and i get along better and we have more in common, i do my best not to kill her at the store since there would be too many witnesses. next day she cries to his managers and everyone else that i was mean to her for no reason and they almost ban me from the store mean while shes still flirting with him, hes ignoring her because he thinks shes a pile of crap , and every time i go into the store shes calling me a bitch and saying that pregnant people are stupid.

yesterday:

she makes a comment on a mutual friends face book page about how said friend would get more hours than my fiancee because that friend is better than my fiancee. so i retaliate saying shes a dirty bitch. she then replies and uses big words as if i do not know what they mean( by the way her using big words in a fight does not make her smarter she could have been a dumb ass and googled insults) she then in the same post insults my child. i tell her that if she ever talks about my kid again i would rip her head off she replies saying that she will talk about my kid all she wishes and that my fiancee thinks about other women all the time. to which i replied that he did not want her because she is gross and stupid and he felt bad for her because she said she had anxiety issues and had no friends. then she replied that it was the opposite that he wanted her and that she felt bad for him. forward to a few posts later my fiancee jumps in and tell her how he really feels and felt about her yet shes not giving up. all the while I'm holding on to the information that my fiance's dad knows the security people and he saw and heard all the conversations she had with my fiancee and that because of that the store was watching her for sexual harassment.

through all of this i realize that this girl is 22 that's 3 years younger than i and 6 years younger that my fiancee. now I realize shes not that much younger but at the same time theres already a difference in behaviors. for starters most of these younger girls don't respect relationships, they think they should go out and get who they want regardless of their relationship status. but its not just the young girls its all the women lately, women wake up and stop trying to steal other women's men! there are millions of men in the world and yet you have to choose another woman's husband or boyfriend, have respect. we are living in a society of craziness why does no one else see the hurt they are passing along. this young girl almost ruined a good thing between he and i and while yes things are not always perfect no one is therefore no situation can truly be perfect.

I just wish that other women realized these things before acting upon impulses toward men, i always respected the fact that if a man was with someone you leave him alone, once i made a mistake with someone but he never once told me he was married,never wore a ring and i had just met him but once i found out he was history. I just honestly believe that no matter how much you like someone you should back off if they are with someone you will find someone new but the relationship and people you hurt trying to get your way will be on your cosmic conscience the rest of your life, and remember Karma is a bitch.

anyways I'm done venting for now. hopefully i get good news later on in the day and ill have something positive to post up.

"All we need is love"

Amy

And just like that it might crumble

So i sit here today thinking of our financial situation. It's not that's were really really bad i know theres always someone out there that has it worse but were bad. we live off my dads social security check and Steve's paycheck. now my dad is mentally disabled (from a bad mental break down he had when i was a kid) and he gets 585 dollars a month. in this economy that's supposed to be enough for him to live off of, that's not even enough for him along so imagine how we are getting by. next theres Steve's paychecks. they would be okay if he didn't have to pay so much in child support. Steve has to pay 400 alone for one kid and 40 for the other which he has custody of but the courts wont drop it because he needs the mother of his kid to go as well and she doesn't ever show. so even if he works 60 hours in a week his paycheck ends up looking like 135 bi weekly once the child support is out. so there goes my i want to be a stay at home mom till willow is at least a year old thing. now someone else has to take care of my baby while i work. so I'm on the hunt for a job.

Now you would think go get help go to social services. we did and we still have not received and answer for our food stamps case. i have a weird feeling we might get rejected. see my dad had a case but it only had him and my two sisters and well we all live in the same house so i decided to add the whole family to his case during his re certification. well its been 3 weeks since i got the last of the info in and we have heard nothing. hopefully when i call tomorrow to find out if they have approved or denied the case they will have an answer for me. i called around the 25th but his case worker said he had not worked on it yet which is understandable since there are allot of people in the system.

I know what some reader out there must be thinking great another family getting fed off my paycheck, and to that person i say thank you. I'm not on welfare because i want to be I'm on it because we are struggling. times are very hard as I'm sure you know. and i just had a baby, shes my first baby and while she was not planned ( i was on birth control and still got pregnant) i could not abort her and shes my little love. she makes things better and helps me smile. i tried to work hard while i was pregnant and i tried to save up but then the car broke down or we had a leak in our roof and little by little i saw my savings account go down till i only had 5 dollars in it. i am not abusing the system my family needs a little help and i thank you, i know you do it because you have to its a mandatory deduction from your pay but i still appreciate it.

anyway I'm going offline i finished my homework and i posted this so i should go take care of my sleeping baby.

"All we need is love"

Amy

When Boredom Strikes

so today we had day 2 of our yard sale and i have to admit i was dissapointed. no one really came around and those who did wanted weird stuff i didnt have. hoewever i survived my second yard sale ever. so one of my sisters went out with her boyfriend and in an effort to make my other sister feel better my fiancee invited her up to our room to play video games. they are playing call of duty which im not really a fan of and they have been playing for 4 hours. now i told him before they started that i wanted to play my new game and he said ok sure we wont play long. by the time they get off i wont be able to play because it will be too late or the baby will be awake.

He can be so selfish sometimes. our entertainment revolves around him. and lets not forget how he wants to invite people over but wont help me cleana up the house so that we can. and he only wants to invite them so he can play d&d with them a game i dont really like. and while im on the topic of him i would like to vent about how even though his wife left him almost 3 years ago hes still not divorced. it took 10 months for him just to send her the divorce papers, now there are more delays. he claims he want to marry me and that im perfect for him yet i have difficulty beliving that since hes been married twice and im sure he told them the same thing. i just wish i had not fallen for a guy who procrastinated getting a divorce when both parties wanted one.im just so tired of waiting for a wedding and a husband i may never get.

All i want is to be loved and to be loved honestly and forever, if he cant or wont do that then he should let me go because i deserve love.

anyway thats my rant for now...

"All we need is love"

amy

Another Day Another blog post

So it's currently 12:09 and im sitting here unable to sleep for two reasons, 1) im just really not sleepy and 2) steve wants to unwind. once again we have a storm going on and well the rain actually sounds kind of nice. It reminds me of when i lived in Puerto Rico as a child and there would be hurricanes, my mom would let me stand on our porch and feel the breeze and it was nice. its times like these that i wish i could be a kid again, just to sit carefree on the porch and enjoy the storm and let my parents do the worring for me.however life does not work like that.

on a different note im very upset with the professor of one of my classes. no matter what i do it is never enough and all her does is say it's wrong and then give me a zero for the assignment. if this continues im sure to fail his course. but of course thats not his problem he gets paid either way. educators expect the students to always motivate themselves and while i agree the intructors could help out a little bit. would it kill him to give me some words of encouragement?

anyways the storm is picking up its time for me to get off the laptop and go to bed. ill post something else later i suppose.

night night

Last Night There Was A Storm

Last night at around 10 a storm started and while any other time I would have thought it was pretty and bright I found that was panicking. I used to love storms and lighting, i mean i could have done without the thunder but the lights were very pretty to look at. What happened to me? Why was I sitting there having a borderline panic attack? I'll tell you what happened to me, I had a baby and with this baby came a butt load of fears.

Suddenly I am worried about everything, her not eating enough, not being prepared for a storm, dropping her, losing her somewhere, having her taken from me by a stranger and the freaking end of the world. I realize this morning that I need to calm the hell down or I'm going to lose my mind, Yes the world is full of dangers and as a parent we never know who is out to hurt our children however I have made a list of solutions that have put my mind to ease and here i share it with you:

1)her not eating enough: the doctor tells me to make sure she eats plenty and is nice and full. At first I worried but now after living with my child for 3 months I KNOW shes eating enough if she doesn't she will let me know very loudly.

2) not being prepared for a storm: OK simple enough get a "survival kit" ready. I'll put water, formula, canned foods,first aid kit, important documents, some small board games and a can opener together. And don't think I'm stupid about the board games i have a family of 7 between my dad and sisters, soon to be stepdaughter, fiance, my daughter and myself if there is no light and we have a bunch of candles around us and nothing else to do we are playing monopoly damn it! I will not listen to a 5 year old complain of boredom, and I will not its annoying hearing it every 5 minutes.

3) dropping her: Well sometimes parents drop their children, I can't even begin to describe all the stories i have heard parents say starting with the lines so this one time i dropped my kid... I guess the important thing to do is not be clumsy and if i do drop her comfort her as soon as possible. Also i shouldn't be doing some dumb ass thing like juggling my baby or dangling her off a balcony.

4) losing her somewhere: Pay attention to her, I mean she doesn't walk yet so I don't have to worry about her running or disappearing unless someone tries to take her. which brings me to ....

5) a stranger taking my child: Firstly I'm back onto the whole watch your child thing, However if I saw someone trying to take my child I would chase their ass down and beat the living hell out of them. NO ONE messes with my babies and NO ONE better try to take my kids. seriously I'm a gentle person but I think it came to protect my kids I could kill someone if really necessary.

and finally...

6) the end of the world: Now I never thought about the world ending. I always thought it would happen after I was dead however If it does happen I just need to accept I lived a good life, hug my family and tell them I loved them and wait for the end. There is really nothing anyone can do if the world really ends, and to be honest life is not about the way you died its about the way one lived and the choices they have made. now I will be the first to admit that i did not live a perfect life and did nothing wrong. I would be lying if I said that, but I didn't kill anyone or do anything else that is horrible, I wasn't Hitler. So i think i have a really good chance of getting into heaven and that gos won't turn me away. I also know that Jesus loves the little children so my girls will go into heaven and as long as they are there if and when the world ends its OK. we all came onto this earth to die, its a sad reality but we did it's a part of the life cycle, and who knows when the world will end? maybe it will be 2012 maybe it wont. according to allot of people the world has been ending for a long time, and maybe it has slowly each year, but does it matter. spend time with your families, take the time to show them you love them. Because in the end that's all that matters.

In the words of the wonderful Beatles:

"All you need is love"
Amy